I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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