its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there was a trapeze. enough said
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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