So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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