I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
