if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
