Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No subtext here. People are naked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
