I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
