i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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