Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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