FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
