I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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