i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
