Apparently you make a good broom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
