My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize