Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
