The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
