STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
