Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
