Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
