There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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