Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
