I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You pole danced in your parka.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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