dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
