So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
