if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
