i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
