and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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