I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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