Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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