is your mom at the bar?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
