I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
