hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
