i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
