if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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