Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
