he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
