A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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