She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
