He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
