omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am available for nakedness
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
