Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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