he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
