I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
