Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
