it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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