Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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