I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
