First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
