so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
