I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He has the fingertips of a God
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