i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
