is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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