So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
