do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
