4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
