i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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