I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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