I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
