So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
