Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
