i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
