Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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