Hippo gnu deer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
