this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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