what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
