Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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