great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
