Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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