I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
