We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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