he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
