im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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