I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dicks are not precious.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
