Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
