Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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