Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
3pm strippers are depressing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
