I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
