FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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