Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
worst night to have a conscience
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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