508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
