the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize