Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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