I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
