Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
