I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
