Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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