Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When are your genitals available?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
