Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
