I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
