Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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