i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you win again, gameday.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize