So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
