Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
