Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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