covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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