for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
