There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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