I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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