you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
