Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
